Career Fears

Everyone worries about the future. about their health, their love life, their family, their security. we worry about getting a job, keeping a job, being happy and fulfilled. we are told retraining is always posible, to reach for the skies. i have been brought up with a british resolve to work until i die on my feet. In my family we are over-achievers to the extreme. there is nothing we are incapable of, and there is no grade other than A's. This is not an outlook that is conducive to coping with ME, but it is one that drives me to fight my disease every day. my biggest fear is not being able to work to sustain myself. forget being able to follow my career dreams and realise my potential, right now if i lost my benefits i would have to live at home and not even be able to work at tesco's to keep myself. it is depressing and crushing. the benefits system is disgustingly anti-ME. income support isn't worth having if you want to try and work part time like i do, and my mother had to go to court to appeal my income support when i was receiving it because the government was trying to stamp down on ME claimers. i received disability living allowance for my rent and a little more and i work part time and, with some help from my parents, i can afford to live away from home (although i have to come home often when i am very ill to have help from my mum and my lovely fiance has to care for me a lot). v lucky to work part time from home. couldnt do another job because my health is too unreliable.

this fear keeps me up at night. the few times ive articulated it, my breath has been hard to catch and my heart beat a little harder against my ribs.

I have been working on my degree for 5 years. i have consistently averaged a 1:1 for all my work and yet i cant finish it... i keep having relapses. i had to leave university and try to finish my degree with the open university, but they have turned out to be grossly unsupportive of disabled students. finishing my degree is my biggest wish right now and i feel like the last 5 years will have been a waste of everything until i have it.